3rd base and a Flying Purple People Eater

Once upon a time I meet this guy. I was young and uber naive. If I remember correctly, it was fall of junior year.  I was in line at Subway getting a sandwhich to go after the Howard vs. Hampton game. I overheard this older gent talking something about script writing. I interjected and asked what he did, and said I was heading home to work on a script for class. He offered me his card and said if I have any questions about the industry, feel free to touch base as he’d been doing script writing but mainly for sports broadcasts.  He was a Hampton alumni in town for the game, but living in NYC, doing sports / sports media work.  I tucked his card away and kept in touch, throwing random questions his way re: internships, etc over the next yearish.

First, I’ll say, he was a great resource and mentor/ guide, as I navigated the school to work transition. But he fell all kinds of in love with me. Yeah I said it, fell in all kindsa cradle robbin love. I mean, that’s not hard to do but, boo, you had a crooked receding hairline and a belly that matched Papa Cabral’s,  no bueno. The career advice stopped coming, and in replace of advice, I got mushy cards, flowers, and a stuffed flying purple people eater. Yes, pause and go back. A Flying Purple People Eater that may be somewhere in my bedroom  at my dads house in Mass and if you squeeze it, the song plays.  After a few months of admiring me from afar, he called and said ‘Heather, most women throw themselves at me, I mean, anyone else and I would have at least gone to third base by now, but you’re impossible’.  (I died inside because the thought of even hugging that dude, turned my stomach) My friends warned me and said I had to put an end to this shenanigans before I showed up missing…so I did… end of the love talk nonsense, because even though he wasn’t THAT far out of age dating range, he certainly looked it,  and well, I simply wasn’t attracted to his Steve Urkel-esqueness. The nonsense  ceased for a while and our roles as mentor / mentee were now tainted but utilized from time to time until one day it all came crashing down.

I had an interview at Bloomberg TV in NY and Nu meet me there so we could hang out after.  Said mentor had a contact at Bloomberg so I called for some insight ahead of time. He had some good info and said he’s sorry he wouldn’t be in town to catch up while I’d be in NYC as he was  going out of the country with his girlfriend (yep girlfriend / kinda sorta baby mama but not really mess), but said we could stay at his place and he’d have his doorman let us in. To two poor jobless souls looking for a place to crash in NY, this was perfect. After tromping around the city all day, sleep was all we wanted and we hopped in a cab to Battery Park . Get in, settle down, watch TV and discover an abundance of porn nestled, well no not nestled, neatly stacked, on the entertainment center shelves as if left that way for company to scoff at. WTF!  Not that porn is bad, but finding an abundance of VHS tapes w/ big booties and comically bad titles like Banana Cream Dream plastered across the front is a bit jostling. We managed to laugh ourselves to sleep, and quickly ran away in the morning, barely thanking the doorman on our way out and leaving nothing but a thank you note on the frig. That was 7 years ago. I had PTSD from the situation and erased him from my memory, until I got a text from a 646 # last weekend saying  something along the lines of ‘hey beautiful…’ I had no idea who it was, and partially flattered, I scratched my head and replied ‘I”m sorry, I’m on my 3rd phone since April (the truth), who is this’?  Upon learning, I wanted to barf but instead I penned, errr uhh, typed this blog while my gut gurgled thinking about his monkey ass.

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~ by tortillacachupa on July 26, 2010.

4 Responses to “3rd base and a Flying Purple People Eater”

  1. LOL

    I can’t believe you actually stayed at his place after the mentor-ship turned to (an attempted) courtship. You and Nu are mad trusting. What if one of his sketchier friends had shown up?

  2. hahahaha… I guess the words will come to me when I pick myself off this floor! thanks for sharing…

  3. Just what the hell is mad purple people eater? Sounds like gay code word for head lol. ?? Need help in New Yawk with this one lol.
    Peace,
    wjholland.wordpress.com

  4. Hilarious! The Life and Times of the Cabrals!

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