Dear God, Who’s in Charge?

I was in the middle of drinking myself into an ivy league stooper, driving around Princeton in a conversion van acting young and sensless with my girl friends celebrating the pending gradution of one of our friends from her doctoral program.  Soon my laughs turned into inconsolable cries when my dad called. My dad is one of the most thoughtful and giving people I know, he’s sensitive but his ability to 1)give bad news and 2) comfort you after said bad news is sub standard. His awkward tone on the other end let me know something was very wrong and even when he gathered himself to tell me my best friends toddler tragically drown in her parents pool I felt like if I kept shouting ‘BUT IS SHE OKAY’ into my phone  he’d eventually say yes. But she wasn’t okay, and he said no, over and over again. She’d not yet fully graduated from diapers and baby food before He took her Home. In the aftermath of the chaos there was guilt pain and sorrow densly filling the air and a tea cup poodle now temperarily in my dad’s care until she and her parents settled back into ‘normal’ life. Cleaning up puppy pee, and watching my dad walk a 3 lb dog on a leash provided a much needed mental break from the chaos.

Several pastoral care visits, counseling sessions, and buckets of tears later, life for us all seemed to resume as best our emotions allowed and everyone learned to manage the pain of tragic death with endless love and ongoing prayers.

Fast forward a year and I’m left asking myself what God is doing upstairs.

I wake up Saturday morning to a flurry of phone calls, texts and emails. Please call home. The same friend who tragically lost her baby, just tragically lost her brother, in his sleep unexpectly, leaving behind his 10 yrd old and new born son and wife behind. Now I’m asking “God, WHO is in Charge”  Who lets things like this happen? What bad energy is in the earth for tragedy to strike the same family, in the SAME HOUSE, in the SAME YEAR.

As I pack and prepare to fly home to be there in support, I’m reminding myself that this isn’t the time to question my faith, but maybe its time to strengthen it, that I should maybe stop skipping church in lieu of brunch and mimosas on Sundays and start thanking God for the very good life that I have and pray for those who have less. For now I’ll love with all my might and pray for mental and spiritual health of everyone attached to this awful situation.

~ by tortillacachupa on August 1, 2011.

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